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16 February 2010 @ 03:23 am

I gave you my heart,
You ripped it, you tore it,
I gave you my heart,
You pulled at the seams,
I gave you my heart,
You pushed it away,
I gave you my heart,
You let it stray,
I gave you my heart,
You left it to cry,
I gave you my heart,
You left it to die,
I gave you my heart,
It was yours from the start,
I gave you my heart,
You tore it apart.

10 February 2010 @ 10:28 pm

Inspiration can come from anywhere. Even a pink sticky note.

Her laugh filled the air, mine blending with hers. Leaning against the fence that surrounded the tennis court she tipped her head up, looking towards the sky. Her eyes shine.

"I love you."

She blinks slowly, unconsciously letting out a low hum that is just barley audible to my ears. The wind whistles softly, blowing in my direction, allowing me to catch her scent. I've never been able to place it, but it has always reminded me of a faint shade of pink. "I love you too."

She never ceased to amaze me. She knows everything about me; all of my faults, everything that could possibly be wrong with a person, yet she still manages to say these words to me. And I'm surprised every time I hear them. "Really?"

She lets out a small laugh as her fingers brush against mine. "Yes, really."

The corners of my mouth twitched as I tried to keep myself from smiling. "Always?"

"Always." She pokes my side, evoking a squeak as a response from me. She laughs at my sound and I laugh with her. She could always make me laugh.

The moments I could recall being truly, blissfully happy are the moments that we spend together. I turn to her to see her smile. Her beautiful smile that cannot be taken away by anyone. "Will you marry me?" I ask without thinking.

She smiles wider, replying with an, "Of course."

Her response somehow dampens my spirits. Could she have responded this way because of the care-free atmosphere? What if she doesn't really mean it? I take her hand in mine. "No. I'm serious. Will you marry me?"

Her expression grows softer. "Yes."
24 September 2009 @ 06:15 am

Hana ni Arashi
"Blossoms bring storms."
The truth in this saying is almost overwhelming. Happiness is great while it lasts, but everyone knows that that can only be for so long. Nothing lasts forever. Especially happiness. This is always true. No matter what. After having such great luck, you soon realize it runs out faster than it started. What starts fast ends faster. Love, friendship, hope, peace. None ever go without being destroyed. Your heat will be broken, you friendships will be shattered, hopes crushed, peace ruined. The tighter you hold onto something, the faster it slips away. None of it really exists. Joy? Peace? Really. They are only warnings for the misery soon to come. Heartbreak, depression, death. Those exist. Those swallow up our lives in the end. We do not live our entire lives to be happy in the end. No. We live hard lives, working for something. What is that something? What do we really live for? Nothing. We live for nothing. We all die. Death. It mocks us. Jeering at us from just out of sight, laughing at our pathetic attempts for a small glimpse of happiness. All those attempts end in vain. All the work, in the end, amounts to nothing. We die. We are born, we live, we die. It's just that simple. We have no purpose. We live in a game. The players have no choice. We are forced to be a part of something we never wished to be a part of. There is never a winner. There is no prize. There is only the journey, and death. Who said it was against the rules to speed up the process? Everything good only brings back something worse two times over. What is the point of this game? Is there any objective at all? What would you chose? Spend your life searching aimlessly for something you will never find, or skip to the inevitable?

19 July 2009 @ 12:36 am

An unsent letter. #20

Nights are painfull.          Days are sorrowful.          Moments are a lifetime.          A life time is eternity.

A breath is a stab.          A step is a gash.          A smile is scorching.          A laugh is agonizing.

Life without you is the deepest depth of peril.

06 July 2009 @ 01:40 am


An unsent letter. #11.

     I have finally reached a conclusion. It's all your fault. It's your fault for being so nice to me. It's your fault for caring about me. It's your fault for worrying about me. It's your fault for being so beautiful.

     It's all your fault.

     It's your fault for being so smart. It's your fault for making me happy. It's your fault for making me feel safe. It's your fault for making me yours. It's your fault for understanding. It's your fault for making me need you.

     It's all your fault.

     It's your fault for being so breathtaking. It's your fault for being so adorable. It's your fault for making me melt at your smile. It's your fault for making me shiver at your touch. It's your fault for stealing my heart.

     It's all your fault.

     You're smart. You're nice. You're sweet. You're caring. You worry. You understand. You're breathtaking. You're amazing. You're adorable. You're loving. You're beautiful. You are always in my heart.

     It's all your fault.
You made me fall in love with you.

22 June 2009 @ 12:45 am
13 June 2009 @ 01:22 pm

Today was the day I entered misfortune.
Today was the day I first felt pain.
Today was the day of my feeling's distortion.
Today was the day I cried in the rain.

Today was the day I fell deeply in love.
Today was the day I was broken apart.
Today was the day I lost everything I dreamed of.
Today was the day that made it all start.

Today was the day I first told a lie.
Today was the day I pulled myself away.
Today was the day it all went awry.
Today was the day I had nothing to say.

Today was the day I thought of nothing but you.
Today was the day I became fed up with life.
Today was the day I didn't know what was true.
Today was the day I picked up a knife.

Today was the day I lived silent.
Today was the day my heart was broken.
Today was the day my thoughts became violent.
Today was the day my feelings were never spoken.

This birthday can hardly be considered happy.
Oh well.
Happy Birthday to me.



09 June 2009 @ 12:01 am

I want you to know that you are perfect. Nobody knows what they have until they lose it, but I understand. I know you're one in a million. You stole my heart and no one will ever take it from you. I'll never leave you; I hope I never lose you. You mean the world to me and nothing will ever change that. My heart belongs to you, always and only. I haven't met anyone that could possibly take your place. Do you know why? Because no one will ever be able to fill the space in my heart that is and always will be reserved for you. You and only you are allowed to have me, hold me, love me the way you do. I wish I could give you everything. Better friends, better school, better life, a better me. All I can give to you is myself, though I worry that just myself isn't enough. You deserve someone you love, someone who makes you feel special, someone who understands your feelings, someone who will drop everything to hold you, to listen to you, to keep you safe. I try to be that person. I try to be as good as I can be for you. You’re special. Your breath, your touch, your love; it shouldn’t be wasted. You care, love, and respect people, most of them uncaring. You need someone who notices how hard you really try. Someone who will love you back, care for you, and treat you with the respect you deserve. You were nice. You cared. You were never mean to me. I want to return the favor. I try for you. I care for you. I miss your smile; I miss your voice. I miss your laugh; I miss your touch. I relive my memories with you, replaying them over and over. I wait to hear your voice, to feel your touch.

It used to feel as if I was just falling. You helped me. You caught me and never let me go. You helped me in a way I could never explain. I wouldn’t be able to think, breathe, or live without you. You mean the world to me. You deserve so much better than what you have. I never thought I could ever live and care for someone the way I do for you. I was hurting, dying inside a little bit everyday. You helped me. You showed me how to be happy. You’re not a fake friend, but I used to be to you. I didn’t think you would understand any of the things that were happening to me. I didn’t trust anyone then. I was afraid of becoming close to you. I was afraid to trust you. I was afraid to love you. I thought it would only bring me pain. I thought you would leave. I thought you wouldn't truly care for me. I thought I would be left behind; damaged. Though instead of keeping my distance and ignoring you, I did the opposite. I fell in love with you. I trust you. I hope you know. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring.

It doesn’t matter to me if people find out. I love you and I’m not ashamed of it. You are my whole world. No one else’s opinion matters to me besides yours. Being with you makes me happy. Your voice renders me incoherent. Your smile makes my heart skip a beat. Your touch makes me forget to breathe. Being separated from you is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. You are the most precious person in my life. I will always be here for you, you just have to reach for me. I will always love you, even if we never see each other again. I will never, ever, love any person the way I love you. I’d walk a thousand miles for you. I could live forever, seeing many things, meeting many people, but you will always more beautiful to me than anything. I’m always by your side. I’m always here for you. I could be a million miles away, or right next to you. I think of you every time my heart beats. I think of you every time I write. I think of you every time I smile. You are always with me. You are my everything. If any misfortune were to be brought upon you, I would no longer be able to remain here. I would leave the moment you shut your eyes forever. You are the center of my life. You are my love. You are a part of me that I could never live without. You show me the joys of living. You teach me how to love. You lead me through my life. You are my one and only.

I understand that we are judged. I believe we have the right to say what we feel. I would never question my feelings for you. I live for you. I live to make you happy. I live to love you. I live to keep you safe. I understand why people cannot see how we can remain together for the rest of our lives, though it pains me to see you hurt. It destroys me on the inside knowing that I cannot be there to help you. I break, bit by bit, dreaming, wondering, thinking of you. There is never a time when my mind ever strays from thoughts of you. I always worry. I always wonder. Are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you hurting inside like me? The answers to these questions I do not know, nor will I ever be able to truly understand your feelings. You are a mystery to me. Something I must solve. My questions pile up, tumbling over one another. I never ask. I cannot ask. I do not know many things. I am ignorant, though there is one thing I know that will never change. My love for you is everlasting, unchanging, and unconditional. Each day I spend away from you, brings me pain. Temptation of the worst kind, leaving this pain behind, becomes more and more appealing. This thought both attracts and disgusts me. I could never leave you unless you wished it. I could never hurt you intentionally. I regret bringing any burden upon you. I'm sorry. I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I knew what you wanted. I wish you could tell me the way you really feel. I love you more than I can even begin to tell you. I would give my life for you. I shed tears for you. I smile for you. I laugh for you. I belong to you. I am yours.

Today is your special day. Today you deserve to be happy. Today you should feel as if you're walking on air. I wish you nothing but bliss on this special day. Today is your day. Today is your day to be happy. Today is your day to be who you are. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you lose yourself in your happiness. I hope you take advantage of today. Be happy. Be who you've always wanted to be. Say what you've always wanted to say. Say what you believe. Do what you've always wanted to do. Do what makes you happy. I love you.


Happy Birthday.

06 June 2009 @ 02:13 pm

Who said there was such a thing as love? Fool. It is only a temporary period of insanity. "Love."

We think we will be with that person forever. We believe that nothing will ever tear us apart. We confide in each other. We try to remain in contact with that person. Only to find that later you will be torn apart.

Torn. Broken. Shattered into pieces.

The greatest pain ever to be felt.

That person says to wait. They will still be there later. Why later? Why can you not speak to me? I dream of you. I think of you. Everything I do, it's always for you.

My mind never strays from thoughts of you. My heart never ceases to ache. The tears which leak from my eyes only do so because of this so called feeling of love. "Love."

I regret being born into this unkind world.

Do you not realize? Has this completely slipped your mind? We will never be able to see each other. Never.

It will never be the same.

We will never be the same person we once were.

We used to be one. We used to know everything. We were never separate. Distance had no meaning. We were bound. So close. We were almost only one person.

I cared for you. I watched over you. I understand it may not have seemed like that at the time though I want you to know that you will always be the same person. I will always remember the person you once were to me. I believe that when I die I will take my good memories of you with me. I will hold you in my heart forever.

This pain is almost unbearable. I want to end everything. You were all I had. You were everything to me. You still are. You were my entire world. I lived for you and only you. Knowing that you would be waiting for me if I only lived a few days more, kept me living on. I am here in this world right now because of you. I have endured life's sufferings and pains to see you smile, to hear your voice, to feel your touch. You kept me alive.

I faked happiness. Smiled when it was expected. I even made "friends." Everything I did was for you. I pretended. It was a game. A game I hated. I live a lie. Without you, none of my smiles are genuine. Every laugh that escapes my lips are forced. You were my happiness.

You were my happiness. Now I have yet to feel anything. I am numb.

Why do I have such a bad feeling? Why does it seem as if you can't find a place for me in your life anymore?

Do you not want me?

I wish you could answer me. I wish I could know the truth.

I need to know.

I'll leave in a heartbeat.


06 June 2009 @ 02:11 pm

Do you still care?

Do you still want me?

Will things be the same?

Will you still be here for me?

What do you really think of me?

What do you think of on your own?

How do you feel without me with you?

How do you act with others around you?

Can you speak without your voice cracking?

Can you walk without feeling pain in each step?